May 1, 2013

  • Wednesday

    I wrote this up and didn't post it publicly because sometimes you gotta wait and think about it. I noticed a lot of people yesterday on Xanga were cranky so I should have posted it then to fit in.

    Got my feelings hurt. :( I hate it when that happens. I'm not particularly sensitive I don't think and I really do try hard to be considerate (mostly) of others so it throws me for a loop when someone gets to me.

    This is what happened. I made friends with someone I went to High School with. Nice guy in High School, though I didn't really know him very well. He has moved to California and he takes the most glorious pictures. Really beautiful to look through. He had me at the first picture of a shadow. I have a fondness for shadows. We also seem to share the same opinions on what's right and what's wrong so that's nice as well. He was very supportive and kind during my unpleasant cancer thing and I just genuinely like him.
    I am going on vacation on Thursday morning to California. A few weeks ago he posted on my Facebook and invited me to dinner. I told my husband and he replied with a list of possible things I could tell my HS/FB friend for why we wouldn't be joining him for dinner. ( do your partners do that? Tell you what they think you should say? Very odd, but there you go.) If you know my husband you know pushing him to meet with people he does not want to will be a very bad idea. If you don't know my husband, take my word for it, and it's his vacation too so he has a right to do what he wants as well. So this is what I sent as a message to my Facebook acquaintance.

    "Thanks for the offer of dinner when we're in San Francisco. I won't take you up on it because I'm traveling with my husband and though he's been pretty good so far about meeting for meals with random strangers that I've met on the internet through blogging I think I will let him have this vacation without having to be polite to anyone. It's quite a stretch for him. Now I just have to see if I can think of a reason to go back without him so I can meet you again. You're such an interesting and seem (at least on the in-depth venue of social media) like such a nice person.
    Please do feel free to throw any links at me that you think I might like. We're always looking for good vegetarian restaurants!
    Tracy"

    To which there was no response other to drop me as a friend.
    I was really stunned and it seemed like such an odd thing. I'm a big girl, tell me straight, did I say something wrong in that message? I've reread it and I just don't see it. I mean, I'm not kidding, he seems like a really nice guy so it was totally unexpected. I did send another message this week asking if perhaps I had done something else to offend but have not received an answer. I mean obviously I have really offended him, which also hurts because I would never want to do that. I think that's what makes it worse since I really didn't mean any offense. I was trying to be as honest, but light, as I could.

    As always I've pondered whether to write this up. I don't mind sharing some of my life in public because I get to choose what to share but I'm always hesitant when it involves other people. Though, I'm pretty sure no one who reads my Xanga will know about whom I'm speaking. So this leads me to another discussion for another time and place.

Comments (17)

  • I'm sorry. I don't think you did or said anything wrong. That was a very immature thing to do. Even if he was offended because he is overly sensitive, he should have put his big boy boxers on and dealt with it. I don't have a clue!

  • That was an interesting reaction. Maybe because your excuse was based on your husband's presence, he got the idea that you wanted to see him alone? I can't think of anything else, but of course, I don't know him.

  • oh you know you gotta tell me who that was. Boys are weird and they lie...that's what I've told my girls for years...it's working so far.

  • He may have got a little paranoid when you said you would have to find a reason to go alone...not everyone gets our humor. You scared him you little cougar you. 

  • ya...whyzat may be onto something.  That was my first reaction ref your husband and coming back without him :)   Totally, TOTALLY innocent because we know you...maybe he just freaked...or maybe he shared it with his significant other and she said...BLAH BLAH...UNFRIEND THAT BITCH..SHE JUST WANTS IN YOUR PANTS.   That's my take on it...it's the stuff novels are made of or 911 calls!

  • @Ninasusan - @hippo63 - @whyzat - interesting hypothesis that I had not thought of. Sad to lose someone that could have been a friend over something like this.

  • @tracy - That's the trouble with written communication. Sometimes you have to see the expression on someone's face or the tenor of their voice to understand them. I've made sarcastic remarks online only to have them taken seriously and make people angry!

  • @hippo63 - @Ninasusan - Erin and Nina - you two crack me up!

  • Wow. This is a classic.

    "random strangers that I've met on the internet through blogging" That put him in his place. I wouldn't want to be a RANDOM stranger either.

    "without having to be polite to anyone." Awkward. Who knows what this means. Maybe that you or your husband would be FORCED (pretty strong) to be polite to your friend?

    "and seem (at least on the in-depth venue of social media) like such a nice person." Implies he only SEEMS nice, but may very well NOT be so nice in person. Ouch!

    I can see why this came down on your friend like a ton of bricks.

    Cheer up. I, too, have put a big foot into my mouth in such a way that there's no coming back. I lived.

  • I too thought maybe he thought you wanted to se him a lone for a reason other than lunch. lol and that is a problem with typing. I one time hurt my sisters' feelings when I thought I was being funny. She did it to me too. It really does lack the facial expression and tone of voice that tells ppl what you're really meaning. Sounds like possibly a misunderstanding to me. I'm sorry your feelings were hurt tho, you're so awesome, noone should ever hurt your feelings!

    LOL on the crazy spouse response. I know some ppl like that..could be possible. 

  • Honestly, I think it was a bit too honest. I know by heating your side of it why you said what you said but I am not sure that if I hadn't known the background info I would understand! 

  • Like what the others have already said, he wanted more than a friendship meeting.  That's tough because you probably wanted to still remain friends. I've been dropped by two women on xanga, they both had the  same reason. Because I didn't comment on their site and I commented on others, SO silly, I know it's totally different from your situation but I did have some romantic interests too...lol Xanga = friends only for me.
    I hope you are feeling better by now, I was so busy couldn't comment til now.

  • I think I am of the same thought as everyone else here.  People get so wierded out sometimes, and the written word can't always do justice.  Too bad he's so immature that he wouldn't let you know what was bothering him and he just dropped you as a friend.  It's definitely his loss. 

  • Well - it's too bad he couldn't reply and say... "um, what?"  but I kind of agree with everyone's take.  It happens.  I do it more than anyone on the planet.  I'm sorry you got your feelings hurt.    

    I totally agree with hippo63...boys are weird.

  • I read this this morning and decided to think about it before responding.  It didn't help.  

    I don't see any reason to take offense.  I just don't.He did know you were married, I assume.  I guess like others said, he likely read something into it that wasn't there.  I can't think what it was .  It would be nice if we could always put exactly what we mean into the perfect words that others will read in the exact tone we mean it. But, alas, that ain't gonna happen.I've very sorry you lost a friend. With my reclusive ways (I know that seems funny with my profession, but I am reclusive in "real life.") I cherish my on-line friends (you included, of course).  I love being able to check in with others as I am able and I truly want to know how everyone is doing.  Reading their opinions and thoughts makes my day better.  Improves my world.  To lose any would be blow.Peace

  • Oh dear, I think he was being a bit over sensitive. It seems a rather extreme reaction. Or perhaps he has a Significant Other who was horrified by his invitation.

    I often compose whole entries for Xanga and then never post them. But I feel better for writing them all the same.

  • Depending on his state of mind, he could have taken it as a total bogus excuse, been offended that you might think he wants more than a friendly dinner, OR was just paranoid and creepy. I'm sorry that you feel bad for perhaps saying the wrong thing.

    Yeah, I'll second or third that whole "boys are weird" thing.

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